Where did you go and when?

I was in Paris in August for three days with my friend Simon, who was getting married. He had two best men – me, who lives in Sydney, and Peter, who lives just outside Paris with his wife. Simon wanted to have three days with the two of us together before the wedding.

Where did you stay?

We stayed in Peter’s house – big enough to be called a chateau I think – in a beautiful village on the outskirts of Paris whose name escapes me. It was your typical French village, lots of flowers carefully arranged and every third shop a bar or boulangerie. Having lived in Paris for over two years it was great to re-acquaint myself with the simple pleasure of buying fresh croissant, pain au chocolate and chausson pomme.

What did you eat and drink?

Paris is extraordinarily good for finding quality food and drinks at good prices. The trick is to steer away from the tourist places. The French, specifically Parisians, have a reputation for being surly and unhelpful. I think this is largely exaggerated. Certainly if you hit any of the tourist places along the Champs Elyssee you are going to find waiters who fit the bill, but then that’s mostly the same anywhere in the world where people have to deal with tourists who think the way to be understood is to shout louder in their native tongue.

What did you do?

My friend and his wife, who live in Paris, decided that I should make the decisions on where to go. Not having lived there for five years, this seemed odd but gave me the chance to revisit some favourite places.

Brunch at Le Fumoir at 6 rue d’le Admiral de Coligny opposite the side entrance to the Louvre is a real pleasure. Wooden floors, sitting in the library at the back, friendly service and excellent food. Then a stroll along the Paris Plage (beach). ‘Ah, there is no beach in Paris,’ I hear you cry. True, but for a month each summer the road running by the Seine is closed for part of its central stretch. Sand is brought in, there are showers, food and drink stalls, and entertainment. Of course it drives the Paris drivers crazy too so it has an added charm.

Off to Berthillions on Ile St Louis for the most glorious ice cream – there is a queue outside here on Christmas eve for its chestnut ice cream.

Dinner was at Vins des Pyrenees, 25 rue Beautrellis in the Marais. Glorious food here. The rocket & parmesan salad, the salmon, and for dessert, molleaux chocolate – hard on the outside but the first cut produces a cascade of hot, rich chocolate. You need to go to the gym for 48 hours afterwards but it’s so worth it. Then off to a small unassuming café/bar on rue des Archives where you walk past the semi-circular bar to the back area, which is tiny – you are crammed in by the service hatch but you have a fantastic plate of cheese and two bottles of great red wine.

Where did you party?

Being with two hetties I couldn’t persuade them to visit a gay bar with me. Actually that’s not true, they were far too keen to visit a gay bar and I was worried the wedding might fall through so I took them off home.

What was the best part of your trip?

The best part of the trip was the food, drinks, metro (it has a smell all of its own, quite unpleasant really but I realised I’d missed it), the markets and the people.

What was the worst part of your trip?

The worst part was the new Eurostar terminal at St Pancras in London, obviously modelled on the cattle car holding pens. Waterloo wasn’t great but a hell of a lot better than this place.

Be aware that a lot of Parisian men dress well and have close cropped hair. In other words a lot of them look gay but might not be. My straight women friends in Paris used to say that you could tell the straight ones because they didn’t smell so good but that would just be passing on idle gossip. 

Take every opportunity to try out the individual cheese shops, wine shops, markets and boutique clothes stores. Steer clear of the tourist restaurants and don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself practicing your French. Hell, I’d been there for six months before I discovered that. Due to a slight mispronunciation, I had been ordering an erection at my local cheese shop every week and they always asked me if I wanted it dry or wet. How they must have loved my visits.

Sum up your trip in a nutshell.

In a nutshell, I love Paris. It is a beautiful city and very easy to walk around. If you get the chance to go grab it with both mains.